


Defeating Self-Preservation

by lisachan



Series: Leoverse [95]
Category: Glee
Genre: Intercrural Sex, Lime, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 12:26:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6195067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisachan/pseuds/lisachan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine and Adam have been together for quite a while, now, but Adam still hasn't come around the idea of letting Blaine top with him. Luckily, with all his experience, Blaine knows another way they can still get closer to that without coming in like wrecking balls through the walls of Adam's self-preservation instinct.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Defeating Self-Preservation

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNING:** This story is an **AU** from the original 'verse. What happens in here has little to none correlation with what happens in Leonard Karofsky-Hummel VS The world or Broken Heart Syndrome. The characters involved are (mostly) the same, but situations and relationships between them may be completely different.  
>  This is also part of a doomed timeline, which would be one of those AU/What Ifs in which Leo and Blaine have been together, if only briefly, but ultimately end up apart.  
> 

“No, Blaine… wait.” 

Blaine groans and collapses on top of him, his face buried in the curve of his neck. His groan turns into a childish whining and Adam, despite being ridiculously horny and frustrated, finds it amusing enough to let out a brief, shaky laughter. 

“Don’t… fucking laugh at me,” Blaine groans again, slapping him lightly on his hip, “This is fucking torture.” 

“You curse a lot, when you’re interrupted during sex,” Adam notes, turning his face to search for his lips. Blaine answers as to a calling, and raises his head just in time to meet him for a kiss that turns hungry right away. 

“It’s not my fault, is it?” Blaine asks, collapsing on him again and rubbing his face against Adam’s shoulder. 

Adam sighs, resting against the pillow. He likes to feel Blaine’s weight on himself, it’s not threatening anymore the moment he stops immediately at his request. “So you do think it’s my fault, huh?” he asks with a tiny smile, bumping his head against Blaine’s. 

He whines, closing his arms around his waist, clinging to him. They’ve been together almost five months, now, and their sex life has been pretty interesting, especially compared to what Adam’s sex life was before he knew Blaine at all, but Adam hasn’t found the guts to bottom yet, not even once. His body shuts down the moment the possibility appears on his radar, which happens basically every time they’re heavily dry humping and somehow Blaine manages to get him on his stomach and lying on a bed. 

“Don’t put in my mouth words I’ve never said, love,” Blaine sighs, kissing him on his shoulder, “I understand if you don’t feel ready for this. But you’ve got to understand this is extremely frustrating for me.” 

“I do,” he turns on his back, while Blaine lifts himself up on his hands, stretching his arms to give him space enough to do that, “I’m sorry.” He reaches out for the camera on his nightstand and swiftly points it towards Blaine’s face, taking a picture. 

“No, come on,” Blaine whines again, hiding his face against Adam’s chest, “Why did you do that?” 

“You looked handsome,” he answers, shrugging, “I wanted to capture that.” 

“You wanted to capture my desperation.” 

“If you prefer,” he shrugs again. 

Blaine looks back up at him, stroking his cheek with the back of his index and middle fingers. Adam looks back into his eyes, those stunning golden eyes that got his attention from the first minute their gazes interlocked. He loses himself into those eyes for a little while, and then sighs, leaning in for a kiss that Blaine eagerly responds to. 

“Do you resent me?” he asks him, parting his legs and adjusting under Blaine’s weight when he falls between them. 

“For not wanting me to fuck you?” 

“It’s not that I don’t want you to fuck me,” Adam frowns, “If you ask me, we’ve fucked a lot since we’ve been together.” 

“That’s true,” Blaine nods, “But it’s also different than letting me fuck you.” 

“Look, it’s not that I don’t trust you…” 

“I never said that.” 

“I’m just…” he groans, “You wouldn’t understand.” 

Blaine’s lips curl into an amused smile as he kisses him again. “Will you let me take a wild guess?” 

Adam arches an eyebrow, looking down at him. “Try.” 

Blaine chuckles. He doesn’t even seem to need to think about it. “You’re scared of the pain.” 

Adam pales right away, looking back up at him. He was genuinely convinced Blaine couldn’t understand, couldn’t even guess. “How…” 

“You think I haven’t ever been your age, or at my first same sex experience?” Blaine chuckles, rolling on his back and getting more comfortably settled on the pillows. 

Adam sits up, following him with his eyes. “Wait, you mean you were scared of your first time as a bottom too?” 

“Scared?” Blaine laughs, “Terrified! I actually pushed the moment as further back in time as I possibly could. Not only was I, well, definitely younger than you when I started wanting to have sex with men, but my first proper sexual experience was as a bottom, so you see…” he smiles, “Fear of the pain was definitely a thing for me.” 

Adam turns on his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows to keep looking at him. Blaine is an extremely private person, which is kind of curious and kind of amusing, especially considering he literally gets naked in front of a camera and lets glorified peeping toms take pictures of him for a living. Adam’s always fascinated by him when he happens to be in a sharing mood. 

“How did you get over it?” 

“I was extremely horny,” Blaine chuckles. 

Adam frowns, disappointed. “How can that be enough? I’m horny too, you know. But the thought softens me down, if anything.” 

Blaine lets out a gentler laughter, stroking his hair and then his cheek. “I think you’re not horny enough, love,” he says, leaning in to kiss him. 

Adam purses his lips, annoyed at the comment. “What do you know?” he mutters, “You can’t detect my level of horniness. What works for you doesn’t necessarily work for me.” 

“Undeniably,” Blaine chuckles, moving closer, “It’s just that in my experience, you know…” his voice, softer than before, lower too, crawls in shivers down Adam’s spine, “You get to a point where touching and stroking and kissing are not enough anymore,” he whispers, trailing the outline of Adam’s lips with the tip of his tongue, “And you find out not even rubbing yourself against someone else’s hardness is enough,” his hand follows the curve of Adam’s spine as Adam parts his lips in a broken moan, inviting him for a deeper kiss, “And surprisingly, you discover not even fucking someone else does it for you anymore,” his fingers barely moving down the crack of Adam’s ass, “And you just want to feel it inside. Someone else. Feel it get bigger inside your body, welcome it as deep as you possibly can.” 

Adam grimaces as Blaine’s fingers dive between his buttocks, stroking his opening. It’s a pleasant feeling, just that light kind of touch, that gentle rubbing, the slow movement, but if he thinks about taking them inside he gets tense all over, and he claws at the pillow in an unconscious nervous gesture. “But…” he breathes heavily, closing his eyes, “The pain…” 

Blaine smiles a little, he’s still close enough for Adam to be able to feel his lips curl against his cheek. “See? That’s what I mean when I say you’re not horny enough yet,” he doesn’t stop touching him, but Adam knows he isn’t gonna try anything after he spoke of the pain again, so he can relax, enjoy the feeling, get lost on the sound waves of his voice as they lay him ashore like an ocean barely upset by the wind. 

“I can assure you,” he whispers, rocking his hips against the mattress a bit, “I’m horny alright.” 

“Yes,” Blaine chuckles, “I can see that. Just not enough to put pleasure ahead of everything else. But it doesn’t matter, it’s alright,” he moves even closer to him, whispering to his ear, “You know, I know a way.” 

If Adam was a dog, his ears would be twitching now. He raises his eyes on Blaine and focuses on him despite the veil of arousal and frustration clouding his eyes. “Which way?” 

Blaine smiles, moving closer and then lifting himself on his knees to stand behind Adam. “Do you trust me?” 

Adam quickly turns to look at him, his back arching like a comma. “Not in the least!” 

Blaine laughs, pressing his hand between his shoulder blades to make him lie down on the bed again. “Well, you’re going to have to start now. Just do as I say, and I promise you’ll feel good.” 

Adam groans, his face pressed against the pillow, his voice coming out muffled and frustrated. "Don't do anything stupid..." he begs, "I swear, Blaine, if you hurt me--" 

"I won't," Blaine whispers soothingly, settling behind him. 

"I _will_ throw you off the bed," Adam insists, just to make it clear, "And out the house." 

"It's _my_ house, love," Blaine chuckles, kissing him behind his ear, "Just to remind you." 

"I don't give a fuck," he mutters nervously. He feels Blaine's hands close around his hips, inviting him to pull his ass up, exposing himself. It's embarrassing, but he does it, because that's not the problem with what they're doing. Blaine has crashed a lot of his defenses, in the few months they've been together, his somehow deeply radicated feeling of shame towards explicit sexual situations being probably the first and most important barrier he's managed to tear down by relentlessly forcing him in situations that, though Adam didn't detect them as impositions, kept putting him in such a position to force him to choose between clamming up and opening the way for him. Every time, Blaine's managed to be convincing enough to make him see that it was worth to try something new, and when Adam had realized how good it could feel to share time and space with him on a bed - or anywhere else, really - he quickly decided it wasn't worth it to cling to embarrassment, to fear of nudity, of proximity, of intimacy, if clinging to that meant he'd have lost the chance to really feel good in his company. 

Pain, however, is an entirely different matter. It isn't something invisible, it isn't something incorporeal. It's something very real, something Adam _knows for sure_ he's going to feel. Shame was an emotion he could wrangle against, to keep it at bay - or at least try to. But pain is different, it calls to a whole other kind of need, his self-preservation instinct, something he couldn't ignore even if he wanted to, because it forces automatic reactions out of him, making him withdraw or push Blaine away whenever he feels in danger - whether the danger is real or not. 

"Blaine..." he whispers, trying to turn his face to look at him, "Come on..." 

"Would you just relax?" Blaine laughs, rubbing his nose against his nape, "I promised you I won't hurt you. It's going to be alright. Believe me." 

His words sounds soothing and his voice is soft and mellow, and Adam would really like to be the kind of person for whom this would be enough to just calm down, relax and enjoy the experience, but he isn't. His heart keeps pounding in his chest, blood roaring in his ears, making him deaf to anything that isn't the sound of his own fear. He thinks he can't take this, that they clearly went too far, that this is about to turn from a pleasant experience to a sneak peek of hell itself he won't be able to forget for years to come - and then Blaine does something unexpected, and Adam's heart skips a beat, and as he feels his erection slide between his closed thighs and rub against his own from behind he lets out a moan he finds himself unable to contain, that embarrasses him to the point of forcing him to hide his face against the pillow right away. 

Blaine chuckles, hugging him tenderly. His arms, wrapped around his waist, are strong, and his hold is firm, and that's probably the most reassuring thing Adam's ever been offered, this gentle but confident hug that squeezes out any uncertainty, letting him know _for sure_ that he's not simply being touched, he's being _handled_ , and carefully, too. 

"Is it the nightmare you thought it'd be?" Blaine whispers, moving slowly behind him. His erection keeps sliding against Adam's, but that's - surpriringly - not the most pleasant part of it. As Blaine moves, his shaft passes back and forth between his thighs, and Adam never thought that was much of a sensitive spot, for him or anyone else, actually, but as it turns out, it is. 

"No..." he whispers confusedly, propping himself up on his hands. As he tries to balance himself on all fours, he ends up parting his legs, and Blaine's erection slides away. He whines in disappointment, closing his legs right away as he tries to get a grip around his shaft again. "Put it back where it was..." he pleads, pushing his ass back. 

Blaine inhales deeply, and then exhales softly, showing Adam a vague glimpse of the kind of control he needs to exert over himself to keep his desires at bay. He knows that right now he'd just like to put it in and get it done and over with. But he also knows he won't, and thinking about this - about the kind of power _he_ has over him, the kind of power that forces him to push his cock between his thighs again instead of through his opening and inside his body, gives Adam a thrill he can't deny, that makes his insides twist in knots that are even more pleasing than pleasure itself. 

"You like it, don't you?" Blaine asks as he puts his hands on his hips and resumes moving back and forth. His voice is low, somehow rough, controlling as it is uncontrolled, and Adam bites at his bottom lip, nodding quickly. 

"Yes," he adds in his own voice, more because he knows Blaine likes to hear it than because he thinks he really needs to express his pleasure out loud. Blaine _knows_ he likes it, he knew it before he asked, let alone before Adam answered. He knows it because he's learned how his body works, he knows, now, what makes him come alight, how to touch him, how long and fast he needs to stroke to tear the right reaction out of him. 

Sex is more mental, for Adam, than it is physical. And these are the things that count the most, for him. Knowing Blaine and him got to a point where Blaine already knows what to do and already expects, even anticipates Adam's reactions. Knowing he himself knows perfectly well Blaine won't push him too hard past the breaking point of his limits, because he respects them - he even enjoys them. 

Knowing, basically, that they like each other enough for all this - this relationship, all the new things coming with it, all the things Adam's had to change or rethink to make room for a person like Blaine in his life - to be worth it. Perhaps it isn't love, perhaps it's never going to be. But that's not so important, after all. Not all love stories need to be the kind of love story you'd expect to find in a romance lover. Some love stories are just that. You like the other person a lot, and for a certain time frame in your life you just can't do without them. That's pobably not better than a proper romantic love story, but it's not even worse. It's just a different thing. And if Blaine and him are headed towards something more, well, for the kind of people they are, and for the kind of manouvers they'll have to stage to try and make some sense out of this, then it needs to be like this. Not a fast-paced run towards an uncontrolled explosion, but a long, slow walk towards a series of little bangs. 

He feels Blaine shiver behind him, his hands closing harder around his waist. His fingers are digging in his flesh and they'll probably leave a mark, but Adam doesn't really mind. He closes his eyes and moves to the rhythm of Blaine's thrusts, and since he can't welcome him inside, yet, he welcomes him against himself, rubbing and stroking and pushing and moaning, knowing that will please Blaine even more than a proper fuck would've. 

And when Blaine comes, squirting all over his stomach, staining the sheets underneath them, he doesn't pull away, and if he thinks about it he knows he isn't even disgusted by this. It took him a while to get to a point in which he can let Blaine come over himself without feeling completely grossed out by it, he walked a long road, but he finally got there. And if anything, he knows they're moving in the right direction. 

Blaine lets out a sigh that gets muffled against his skin, becahse he exhales it as he kisses his nape. "You didn't come," he whispers, rubbing his nose against his neck. 

Adam laughs. It's true, but he wasn't even thinking about it. He watches Blaine collapse on the bed next to him and reaches out for his camera, taking another picture of him. 

"Oh, come on," Blaine whines, covering his face one second too late, "Stop it with this nonsense. I must be awful." 

"You're not," Adam answers honestly, as he always does. He's seen Blaine look awful, every now and then. He's seen him nervous and agitated while he waited for his test results before they even got together, then he saw him wasted and hungover after a wild night at the Prince of Persia when their relationship was moving its first steps and none of them really had the faintest idea of where it was headed, and so exclusivity wasn't even put on the plate, and he's seen him tired and sleep-deprived after very long photographic sessions with particularly annoying or demanding photographers, but as he looks at him right now he realizes he's probably never seen him look as handsome as he looks right now, with his ruffled hair and his blushing cheeks and the tiny droplets of sweat he's got sliding slowly like rain on a window down his muscled chest and flat stomach. "I think you're amazing," he says softly, his words sounding probably a little more serious and heavy than he had intended them to be, "I really do." 

Blaine looks surprisedly at him for a moment, the blushing in his cheeks intensifying in a very cute way, and then something changes in his eyes, something hardens up, probably, something grows more determined, and when he leans in and kisses him fiercely Adam knows what it is. 

He lets Blaine lay him down with his back on the bed, he lets him kiss him down his chest, he lets him touch him between his thighs and then upwards, he lets him stroke his erection and get closer to it with a famelic expression on his face. "Still hard, I see," Blaine comments with an amused grin. He hasn't answered anything to Adam's half-formed attempt at showing him what he really means to him, but Adam knows that perhaps that's something better left unsaid, for now. 

So he grins too, folding one arm behind his own nape as he rests the other over his own stomach, absent-mindedly drawing swirls on his skin using the trace of Blaine's orgasm as improvised ink. "You know it takes me forever to come," he answers, "What you did felt good, but not good enough." 

"Are you daring me to try and do better than that?" Blaine grins, passing his half-open, wet lips over his erection, from its base to its top. 

"Always," Adam answers, licking his lips and then biting at the bottom one in anticipation. 

Blaine swallows him down in a swift movement - one moment Adam's erection is barely glistening with his saliva, twitching lightly as it eagerly awaits to be taken care of, the next it's disappeared past his lips and it's sliding against his tongue, hitting nonchalantly the back of his throat for a blissful moment that gives Adam a taste of heaven itself as pleasure courses through his body roaring like the blood in his veins. 

He lies down with his head against the pillow, letting out a shaky breath as Blaine starts to blow him. 

He thinks maybe this means Blaine thinks he's amazing too, he just doesn't feel like sharing the news verbally, yet. Adam will have to learn how to just take his actions for it.


End file.
